I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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