you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
