if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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