You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So much Jack, so little girl.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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