So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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