Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
