I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
