When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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