Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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