he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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