There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
