Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
