he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
