They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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