I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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