he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
