On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
