Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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