I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
