I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
