My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I love you. Go after that dick
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
