I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
