Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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