Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
