I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
