I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
