You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
