this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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