my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
