Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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