do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
