I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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