Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
