$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
