you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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