Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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