I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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