Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
