oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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