if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
