An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
