Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
