I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
