If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
