I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
