And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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