No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
