Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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