There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
