Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
