i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
