Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
