Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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